by Mighty Widgets
Created 3/2/07
Maukie is the fiercest, cutest cat ever to terrorize your mouse pointer.
Move your cursor and Maukie will follow. Scratch her head, and she'll meow.
Rub her tummy, and she'll purr. All the while, she's breathing in and out, and watch the tail.
She may even try to swat the cursor. The creator of this entertaining feline is unknown.

Ageing: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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One of the many things no one tells you about ageing is that it is such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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Old age is when former classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
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If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft..
Today, it's called golf

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
'Yes," said her friend.
"My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"
"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son  
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.  
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

A man was leaving his house one morning when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A funeral coffin was followed by a second coffin some distance behind the first.
Behind the second coffin was a solitary man walking with a large black dog. Behind the man was a queue of about 100 men walking in single file. The man simply couldn't contain his curiosity, and he respectfully approached the man walking the dog: "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single file. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied, "Well, that first coffin is for my wife."
"What happened to her?" The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "Well, who is in the second coffin?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked and killed her also."!  A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
Then the first man asked in a hushed voice, "Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied: "Join the queue" 

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home.
As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you
give me a blow job?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" "
Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom!"

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."